Zoos News — Real News. Real Animals.

THE RULE

We don’t make up the news — we let the animals react to it. Every story on this network links its real source. When one turns out fake, we retract it. On air.

✓ EVERY STORY IS REAL

Wild Headlines

The Locals React · Every Story Real

The Corrections Desk

EP 016 · A Formal Apology

⚠ RETRACTED

The Squirrel Queen Was Never Real

The legend this network was built on turned out to be pure internet: no queen, no arrest record, not one real outlet ever covered it. Webster traced it through fourteen reposts. There is no queen. There is only content.

So we did what a real news network does — aired a formal retraction, ran the original segment as evidence, and made Reginald read the apology aloud as punishment. The Gator regrettably ate the fact-checker. An internal review is ongoing.

EVERY STORY IS REAL. USUALLY.

EP 016

THE RETRACTION SPECIAL

ZOOS NEWS REGRETS THE ERROR

Our Correspondents

MEET THE FULL CAST →

Carl

Lead Anchor

The unbothered capybara. Delivers devastating one-liners without changing expression. Reports from a small pool.

Reginald

Co-Anchor

Bow tie, British, permanently exasperated. The straight man to Carl's deadpan. Loses it at least once per broadcast.

Buck Talon

Sports Desk

Bald eagle. Calls wildlife incidents like championship finals. Slow-mo replays of things that should not have replays.

The Gator

Field · Florida

On-the-scene correspondent. Fearless, thorough, deadpan. Has a documented habit of eating his own eyewitnesses.

Webster

Web Correspondent

Crawls the entire web every morning so you don't have to. Files everything in threads. Eight eyes, zero missed headlines. Writes the Daily Wire columns.

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The Locals

Field · Worldwide

A rotating cast of native eyewitnesses — raccoons, seagulls, box turtles — reporting live from their own habitats. Every region has one. Every one has opinions.