THE DAILY WIRE · MASSACHUSETTS, USA · 2026-08-23
Bourne Raccoon Learns Storm Drains Are Not, In Fact, Tunnels
A raccoon in Bourne, Massachusetts, spent an unspecified but presumably humbling amount of time stuck in a storm drain grate before rescuers freed it and sent it back into the wild, closing the book on what the Cape Cod Times has officially dubbed a 'grate' adventure.
Details on how exactly the raccoon wedged itself into municipal infrastructure remain limited, but the outcome is confirmed: extraction, minor local fame, and release. No word yet on whether the grate has filed a complaint.
This reporter has long maintained that raccoons possess exactly two settings: master criminal and hapless victim of their own curiosity. This incident falls squarely in the second category, filed somewhere between 'reckless' and 'relatable.'
This column located Chowdah Pete, a seagull who frequents the storm drain in question for reasons he described only as 'personal.' His account of the rescue operation added detail the official report left out.
The raccoon is reportedly back in the wild and, one assumes, giving storm drains a wide berth for the foreseeable future.
“I watched the whole rescue from the telephone wire, real slow-moving operation, but they got him out. Buddy of mine got his head stuck in a lobster trap in '19, these things happen to all of us eventually.” — Chowdah Pete, local seagull
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