THE DAILY WIRE · UNITED KINGDOM · 2026-08-26
A Definitive Ranking of History's Great Zoo Escapes, Because Someone Had To
The BBC has published a ranking of the greatest zoo escapes in history, along with what happened next, confirming what this column has long suspected: enclosures are, at best, a polite suggestion.
The roundup surveys documented escapes across zoos and their aftermaths, according to the publication, treating each breakout with the historical seriousness normally reserved for prison escapes or heist films.
This reporter appreciates the attempt at scholarship, though notes that any ranking of zoo escapes is, by nature, incomplete the moment it is published. Somewhere, right now, an animal is taking notes.
Basil, a resident fox known locally for slipping past fences without leaving so much as a paw print, agreed to review the list's methodology.
The BBC has not announced a sequel ranking, but given recent events on this very wire, this reporter suspects there will be no shortage of material.
“Rankings are cute, but half those escapes wouldn't have made my personal top ten, and I've never even been caught. Humans build a twelve-foot fence and call it security, meanwhile I just wait for someone to leave the gate.” — Basil, resident fox
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