THE DAILY WIRE · TEXAS, USA · 2026-08-27
Texas Zoo Deploys Frozen Treats in Ongoing War Against Summer
A Texas zoo has responded to the season's heat the only way any sensible institution can: with popsicles, kiddie pools, and what this columnist assumes is a great deal of internal memo traffic about animal comfort.
According to the report, staff have implemented a range of creative cooling measures for the animals in their care, a category of news this reporter files gladly, as it involves zero property damage and zero fugitives.
Exact species and methods were not fully detailed in the material available to this desk, though this columnist's professional instinct says frozen fruit and misting fans are involved in some combination, because they always are.
For a regional perspective, this reporter sought out Miss Wanda, a roadside armadillo with decades of unmediated exposure to the Texas summer.
Her assessment of the zoo's methods came with a competing proposal.
Whether armadillo-style underground living catches on at any accredited zoo remains unlikely, but this columnist respects the confidence.
“Cooling strategy? Honey, I've had central air since birth, it's called digging a hole and staying in it until October. Tell those animals at the zoo the secret isn't ice pops, it's just refusing to be outside during the part of the day when the sun's showing off.” — Miss Wanda, roadside armadillo
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