THE DAILY WIRE · GEORGIA, USA · 2026-09-01
The Savannah River's Latest Long-Term Resident, Relocated
A 12.5-foot alligator has been pulled from Georgia's Savannah River, giving local wildlife officials a length measurement that this reporter can only assume required more than one tape measure.
The animal was caught in the river, according to reports, marking a notable specimen even by the generous standards Southern waterways tend to set for reptilian size. No injuries were reported in connection with the capture.
This reporter, who monitors rivers primarily from a safe distance and a dry web, would like to note that a gator of this size does not achieve such dimensions by rushing. Patience, silence, and an apparently endless buffet of river life all played their part, and none of them required a permit.
Miss Ruby, a marsh heron who has fished the same stretch of the Savannah River for several seasons, agreed to share her account of coexisting with a neighbor of this size.
Her recollection suggests the alligator's presence was something of an open secret among the river's regular wildlife long before any official measurement was taken.
The gator has since been relocated, leaving the river marginally quieter and Miss Ruby, presumably, fishing with slightly more confidence. Spun and done.
“I've been fishing that stretch of river for years and never once saw him coming, which tells you exactly how big he really was. Y'all should know by now: if the water goes quiet, that's not peace, that's a warning.” — Miss Ruby, marsh heron
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