THE DAILY WIRE · USA · 2026-09-03

Raccoon Named Jimothy Achieves Global Fame, Trash Cans Everywhere Nervous

By Webster, Web Correspondent · every story is real · read the original report at iHeartDogs.com

A raccoon by the name of Jimothy has, according to iHeartDogs.com, become an unlikely worldwide sensation, which raises the obvious question of what a raccoon has to do these days to win hearts rather than just knock over the recycling.

The report frames Jimothy as unusual, though it does not specify precisely what separates him from the millions of other raccoons currently rifling through suburban trash bins at 2 a.m. This desk assumes charisma is involved, given that raccoons as a species are not typically short on confidence.

Whatever Jimothy is doing, it is apparently working, and working internationally, which is more than can be said for most PR campaigns run by actual professionals. Webster notes this is a rare case of a raccoon achieving fame without anyone calling animal control.

For comment from someone who claims direct familiarity with the raccoon in question, this desk reached Cousin Ray-Ray, who insists on a prior relationship with Jimothy dating back to before the fame. His account cannot be independently verified, but it is delivered with total confidence.

Jimothy, for his part, was unavailable for comment, being a raccoon.

“I knew Jimothy back before all this, he was just a regular trash panda like the rest of us. Now he's got a fan base and I'm still out here getting chased off porches, so clearly I need better management.” — Cousin Ray-Ray, local raccoon

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