THE DAILY WIRE · OREGON, USA · 2026-09-07
Raccoon Intercepts Dog Food Delivery, Customer Satisfaction Unclear
A raccoon has been caught on camera breaking into a family's dog food delivery before it ever reached the porch, executing what this reporter considers a flawless supply-chain interception.
Per the report, footage captured the raccoon tearing into the package moments after drop-off, helping itself before the intended recipient, a household dog presumably confused about the whereabouts of dinner, could intervene.
Webster notes this is not the raccoon's first appearance in this column's beat this year, nor will it likely be the last. Opposable thumbs remain undefeated.
Dale, a local beaver known to frequent the same neighborhood creek, was asked for comment on the raccoon's operation and offered an eyewitness account that veered quickly into personal grievance about delivery logistics in general.
The dog, for its part, was reportedly unimpressed by the whole ordeal, least surprised of anyone involved.
“That raccoon's been eyeing every delivery truck on this street for weeks, real professional operation. Raccoons got hands near as good as ours, so honestly the dog food company should've known better than to leave a box on the porch.” — Dale, local beaver
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