THE DAILY WIRE · LAKE TAHOE, USA · 2026-09-11
Bear Commits Grand Theft Beverage, Shows No Interest in Water
A bear broke into a parked van at Lake Tahoe and made off with a sports drink, proving once again that wildlife rehydration standards have gotten considerably more sophisticated than this reporter was led to believe.
Video of the incident shows the animal entering the vehicle and departing with its selected beverage, undisturbed by either the camera or the concept of consent.
No injuries were reported, and the van, one assumes, is due for a thorough cleaning and possibly a new lock. The drink is presumed lost to the forest, its electrolytes serving a higher purpose now.
Sierra, a chipmunk who monitors the same lakeside parking areas for dropped snacks, was consulted for her professional opinion on the bear's technique.
Her review of the operation was less than glowing.
Webster notes that of all the break-ins this desk has covered this year, this is the first one committed for hydration purposes, and he, for one, respects the specificity.
“He didn't even check the flavor first, just grabbed and ran, no respect for the craft. I've been casing that same parking lot for granola bars for two seasons and I still take my time.” — Sierra, local chipmunk
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