THE DAILY WIRE · COLORADO, USA · 2026-09-13
Bear Burglarizes Fire Station, Firefighters Presumably Unimpressed
A bear has burgled a Colorado fire station, making off with a bag in what this reporter can only describe as a brazen act of interspecies larceny, according to 9News.
The incident, captured on camera, shows the animal entering the property and departing with the bag in question, per available reporting. No further details on the bag's contents have been made public, though this reporter assumes it was worth the trip, because bears do not typically risk a facility staffed by professionals for nothing.
Fire stations exist to respond to emergencies, not to generate them, yet here we are: a bear, a bag, and a video that will presumably outlive every actual call that station responds to this month.
Coach Dobbins, an elk who has watched Colorado wildlife test the patience of local infrastructure for decades, was asked for his read on the growing pattern of bears treating human buildings as an open buffet.
The bag is gone, the bear is presumably satisfied, and the fire station has a new addition to its list of things to bear-proof. Colorado's wildlife continues to operate with a confidence that most human burglars could learn from.
Spun and done.
“That bear's got no respect for public infrastructure, I've told him twice to keep his paws off municipal property. Bears think a locked door is a suggestion — meanwhile I just stand in the road and let the traffic figure itself out.” — Coach Dobbins, mountain elk
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