THE DAILY WIRE · FLORIDA / TEXAS BORDER, USA · 2026-09-14
Livestock, Screwworms, and One Man's Very Bad Import Business
A Florida man has been arrested for allegedly importing livestock from Texas without authorization, timing that could charitably be described as catastrophic given the active screwworm emergency currently underway.
State officials say the arrest stems directly from concerns over the parasite's spread, which has prompted heightened restrictions on livestock movement across state lines. The specifics of what was moved, and how, remain with investigators.
Screwworm outbreaks are the sort of agricultural crisis that makes for dry federal briefings, which is precisely why this desk finds it remarkable that someone chose this exact moment to run an unauthorized cattle operation across two states.
Hank, an armadillo who has spent his life navigating that same stretch of border territory largely without incident, offered a professional opinion on the matter.
The livestock in question have presumably been quarantined pending further review, and the man now faces the considerably less profitable business of explaining himself to state agriculture officials.
Spun and done.
“Smuggling livestock during a screwworm scare is like bringing a lit match to a hay barn, bless his heart. Armadillos naturally carry the bacteria for leprosy and even we know better than to cross state lines without a permit.” — Hank, border armadillo
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