THE DAILY WIRE · NEW HAMPSHIRE, USA · 2026-09-15
Granite State Faces Unidentified Assailant, Four Legs, No Comment
New Hampshire has an active assailant on the loose, and for once the state legislature is not involved. Video obtained by InformNNY.com shows what is being described only as an 'aggressive mystery animal' engaging in unprovoked encounters with residents, a phrase that should alarm exactly no one who has met New England wildlife in October.
Details remain sparse. No species has been officially confirmed, though the footage reportedly shows the animal moving with what witnesses call unusual confidence for something with no known legal representation. Authorities have not issued a species-specific advisory, which this reporter finds a remarkable failure of due process for the accused.
Speculation has understandably filled the vacuum. Leading theories in this newsroom range from a territorial fisher cat to a bobcat having a personal week to, less charitably, a very large and very rude housecat. The state's wildlife agency has yet to weigh in, presumably because it, too, is waiting for the tape to be enhanced.
This reporter reached Old Man Pelletier, a fisher cat with deep roots in the region's hardwood stands, for comment on behalf of the accused. His account of events, delivered with the weary patience of a creature who has been blamed for missing chickens since 2009, differs sharply from the panic in the video.
Until New Hampshire produces a clearer photo, a paw print, or frankly a confession, the mystery animal remains innocent in the eyes of this columnist, if not in the eyes of anyone who was recently chased across a parking lot. Spun and done.
“That wasn't me, I was up in the maples minding my business — sounds like a woodchuck finally snapped, they've been tense since the frost came early. Fisher cats scream plenty but we don't tackle joggers, that's just bad manners.” — Old Man Pelletier, local fisher cat
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