THE DAILY WIRE · AUSTRALIA · 2026-09-15
Local Youths Attempt To Fight Apex Predator, Apex Predator Unbothered
In what may be the single worst decision made by an Australian teenager this month — a competitive field — a group of teens broke into a zoo and attacked a crocodile, according to police, proving once again that access to a fence does not confer access to good judgment.
Authorities confirmed the break-in and the attack, though details on the teens' precise reasoning have not been made public, likely because there isn't one that survives contact with daylight. The crocodile's condition and the teens' legal exposure are both, per the report, matters now being sorted out by people whose job it is to sort such things out.
This columnist will note, purely for the record, that crocodiles have survived largely unchanged since the age of dinosaurs by being extremely good at winning altercations with smaller, softer creatures. Teenagers, comparatively, have survived by being lucky.
Bazza, a kangaroo who has watched a lot of nonsense unfold near zoo perimeters over the years, offered to put the incident in local context. His assessment carries the flat authority of an animal that has personally out-run worse decisions.
No further explanation for the break-in has emerged, and this reporter suspects none will improve the story. The crocodile, notably, declined to comment, which is itself the most dignified response anyone involved has managed.
“Mate, you don't climb a fence to have a go at something with more teeth than a shark and less patience than a servo queue at 2am. Crocs can go from asleep to unimpressed in under a second, that's just physics.” — Bazza, resident kangaroo
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