THE DAILY WIRE · COLORADO · 2026-09-29
Local Bear Reviews the Bakery Booth, Gives It Four Paws
A bear walked into a mountain-town farmers market in Colorado and did what most attendees only fantasize about: went directly to the bakery booth and started eating, according to footage circulating from the scene.
Details on the specific pastries lost remain under review, but witnesses describe a scene of hurried vendors and a bear entirely unbothered by the concept of a transaction. No injuries were reported. The bear left the way it came, which is to say, unhurried.
This is, this reporter notes, the correct read on farmers markets generally — overpriced honey, underpriced chaos. The bear simply skipped the small talk about foraging practices and went straight to the product.
Biscuit, a local elk who frequents the same parking lot for the trampled grass, offered a market recap that leans heavily in the bear's favor. Their take on vendor security is worth hearing in full.
The bakery booth, for the record, remains open for business. Whether it remains open to bears is a question for next week's market committee meeting.
“He went for the sourdough table first, which tells you this bear has taste and no patience for the small-batch jam samples. I've been circling that booth for years myself, mostly for the croissants, and I have never once been caught on camera doing it.” — Biscuit, farmers-market elk
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