THE DAILY WIRE · PHILIPPINES · 2026-10-14
When The Fence Loses To The Forecast
A typhoon did what no visitor ever could this week: it opened every exhibit door at once. According to People.com, storm damage tore through enclosure walls at a zoo, releasing more than 100 animals that officials have delicately classified as 'potentially aggressive.'
Details remain scarce on exactly which species went over the wall, though the designation 'potentially aggressive' suggests staff were not simply chasing loose peacocks around the gift shop. Recovery efforts were reportedly underway in the storm's aftermath, with the full tally of escapees still being confirmed.
This reporter has covered enough enclosure breaches to recognize the drill: perimeter sweeps, tranquilizer guns on standby, and a press release promising 'no immediate danger to the public' issued several hours after the public had already noticed. Typhoons do not consult maintenance logs, and maintenance logs, this incident suggests, rarely win that argument anyway.
Reached for comment near the flooded tree line, Lito, a forest tarsier known locally for minding his own business, offered a theory on the breakout that diverges sharply from the official timeline.
Zoo officials have not said how many animals remain unaccounted for, a detail this column suspects will age poorly by tomorrow's update. Spun and done.
“I called it weeks ago — you don't build a zoo out of tin roofing and hope and expect it to survive monsoon season. My cousin got out of a worse enclosure than that with just his bare hands, no typhoon required. For the record, tarsiers can rotate our heads nearly 180 degrees, so I saw the whole thing and I'm still not talking to the hyenas.” — Lito, forest tarsier
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