THE DAILY WIRE · LOUISIANA · 2026-10-17
Breaking: Ancient Armored Fish Continues to Exist in Water
A new report has confirmed, with the gravity usually reserved for election results, that alligator gar live in several specific lakes across the United States.
The rundown catalogs the bodies of water where anglers have reeled in the alligator gar — a fish with the body of a torpedo, the teeth of a reptile, and a family tree stretching back roughly 100 million years, which is longer than most of this network's advertising contracts. The piece offers no new sightings, no rescues, no arrests; merely a list, compiled, presumably, for the benefit of people who enjoy knowing exactly what might be near their ankles.
This reporter has no quarrel with the alligator gar's right to exist in a lake. What concerns this desk is the increasingly common journalistic practice of treating 'animal is where animal has always been' as breaking news. Still, credit where due: readership for fish-location content remains robust, and this columnist is in no position to judge given his own beat is largely webs.
For ground-level perspective, this reporter tracked down Odalys Fontenot, a marsh egret who has fished the same Louisiana waters as the gar in question for years and considers herself something of a professional neighbor.
Their account of events differs from the official record.
No lake mentioned in the report has issued a statement, largely because lakes cannot speak, and the gar, true to form, declined comment by remaining submerged. Spun and done.
“I've watched one of those gar sit so still under a log for an hour I thought it was driftwood with opinions. People act surprised a fish that's basically a leftover dinosaur is still out there eating things that splash — that's just Tuesday on this lake.” — Odalys Fontenot, marsh egret
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