THE DAILY WIRE · CANADA · 2026-10-23
The Flamingo Will Remember This
In the annals of bad decisions made after last call, a Canadian man's attempt to abscond with a flock of flamingos while drunk now ranks somewhere between parking a forklift in a pool and marrying a stranger in Vegas. According to HuffPost, he did not get away clean.
Details beyond the headline remain scarce. HuffPost has not specified the flamingos' origin, the man's level of intoxication, or precisely how the birds responded, though the piece's title suggests the lesson was learned the hard way. This column defers to the original reporting for particulars and focuses, as always, on the moral.
Humans persist in treating flamingos as lawn ornaments with legs, a category error that nature is only too happy to correct. A bird that stands on one leg for hours out of sheer spite for gravity is not a bird you surprise at closing time.
For a regional perspective, this reporter located Constable Bramwell, a Canada goose with decades of experience intimidating pedestrians twice his size. His account of avian self-defense differs sharply from the human version of events.
The man, presumably, now knows better. The flamingos, presumably, do not care. Spun and done.
“I've chased joggers off the bike path for less than that, so trust me, this fella picked the wrong pink and squawking home security system. Fun fact nobody asked for: flamingos get that color from eating shrimp, so that bird earned its paycheck before your night even started.” — Constable Bramwell, Canada goose
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