THE DAILY WIRE · USA · 2026-10-25
The Ex, The Odor, And The Animal Patch Declined To Name
Somewhere in America this week, an ex-partner was allegedly taught an olfactory lesson, according to a Patch 'Weird News & Oddities' dispatch titled 'Nothing Tells An Ex You Stink Quite Like This.' The slug promises odor. It does not promise species. This reporter is prepared to fill that gap with professional speculation.
The straight facts, as filed: Patch ran the item as part of its recurring weird-news roundup, with no city, state, or named parties attached, and no confirmed culprit. In this business we call that a thin file. In any other business they'd call it a Tuesday.
Webster's working theory, offered with appropriate caveats, points toward a skunk. Skunks have cornered the market on unscheduled odor delivery for over a century and have yet to see a single royalty check. Sources in the hedge declined to confirm involvement, which, notably, is also exactly what a skunk would say.
To get a regional read on the matter, this desk reached Dahlia, a skunk working the alleys behind a strip mall somewhere in the general vicinity of 'America.' Her account of the alleged stink operation differs sharply from the official non-record.
Patch has not returned this reporter's request to confirm species, location, or the basic existence of facts. Until it does, the record will simply note that somewhere, an ex got told, and somewhere else, a skunk is being blamed for a crime it may not have committed. Spun and done.
“I don't know this so-called ex, but I guarantee it wasn't me — I only spray after three clear warnings, which is more notice than most landlords give. Humans could learn plenty about conflict resolution from a skunk: announce your intentions with a little tail stomp and nobody needs a weird revenge prank.” — Dahlia, downtown skunk
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