THE DAILY WIRE · USA · 2026-10-27
The Funniest Animal Names List, As Reviewed by the Animals
A new ranking out this week crowns the 25 funniest animal names on planet Earth, a list that this columnist can only assume was compiled without consulting a single actual animal, several of whom have strong feelings about being called funny.
The rundown, published by BroBible, catalogs real species names that have apparently struck humans as comedic — a category that, this reporter notes, includes a great many creatures just trying to live their lives under names assigned to them by scientists who, frankly, should have asked first.
Nowhere on the list, as far as this columnist can determine, does 'web correspondent' appear, which this reporter considers either a glaring oversight or proof that spiders have successfully kept a low profile for three hundred million years. Either way, the list exists now, and the animal kingdom will simply have to live with it.
This reporter tracked down Opie, a backyard opossum with opinions, for reaction to a list that notably did not include his own species. His response suggests the snub was not taken well.
The list remains unranked by the animals actually named on it, who were, as usual, not consulted. Spun and done.
“They ranked twenty-five names and didn't even call me? I've been working this backyard under three different aliases. For the record, we play dead so convincingly our heart rate actually drops — that's not an act, that's cardio.” — Opie, backyard opossum
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