THE DAILY WIRE · CALIFORNIA · 2026-10-29
The Marmot Who Took the Scenic, Toxic Route to the Bay
A marmot with an undocumented travel itinerary and an apparent fondness for automotive chemicals has turned up alive in San Francisco, several hundred miles outside its usual mountain range and several steps outside common sense.
Per reports, the animal is believed to have consumed radiator fluid before it was discovered in the city, its exact route and motive both unconfirmed. Wildlife officials have not released a working theory on how a species known mostly for whistling and long naps ended up urban.
This reporter has covered zoo breakouts, bear burglaries, and one alligator eating a smaller alligator in the same week, but a marmot self-administering antifreeze and still making the news cycle alive is a new entry in the ledger of animal poor decision-making.
For an informed local take, this desk located Milo, a San Francisco pigeon with decades of firsthand experience watching strange things happen on sidewalks. His account of the city's wildlife standards did not inspire confidence in the marmot's judgment.
Officials have not said whether the marmot will be returned to its native range or simply allowed to continue its apparent career as San Francisco's most confusing commuter. Spun and done.
“I've pecked antifreeze off a garage floor once and slept for three days straight, so I respect the commitment. Marmots usually hibernate for eight months a year, which tells you this one just skipped straight to the delirium part.” — Milo, San Francisco pigeon
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