THE DAILY WIRE · TEXAS, USA · 2026-10-30
The Lizard That Weaponized Crying
A British nature publication has officially ranked the Texas horned lizard's signature move — launching a jet of its own blood out of its eye sockets at predators — among the 23 strangest abilities documented in the animal kingdom. This reporter notes that most of us settle for running away.
Per BBC Wildlife Magazine's roundup, the lizard pulls this off by restricting blood flow until pressure builds in sinus cavities near its eyes, rupturing small vessels and firing blood several feet toward whatever coyote or dog made the mistake of getting close. The striped pyjama squid also made the list, honored for its sleepwear-pattern camouflage and ink-based exit strategy.
Webster finds it professionally frustrating that a reptile with no press team and no media training has nonetheless generated better self-defense optics than most human PR departments manage in a fiscal quarter. No further comment was available from the lizard, who was reportedly busy.
This reporter tracked down Gus, a Hill Country armadillo who has shared fence lines with the species for years, to get a local read on the situation. His account of the lizard's reputation differs somewhat from the magazine's clinical tone.
The magazine lists this as one of 23 bizarre survival tricks across the animal world; Webster lists it as the one story this week that required no exaggeration whatsoever. Spun and done.
“That lizard's been doing that since before my granddaddy rolled up his first flat tire. Folks call it dramatic, I call it efficient — saves on medical bills, and it's true, they really do build up pressure behind the eyes until something gives.” — Gus, Hill Country armadillo
Open this column on the Daily Wire →
Zoos News — Real News. Real Animals. The stories are real; the columnist has eight eyes. Home · Wire archive