THE DAILY WIRE · NORFOLK, ENGLAND · 2026-11-04
Diss Zoo's Latest Hire: Species Classified, Says Press Release
A Norfolk zoo has announced the arrival of a new animal while confirming that two others have departed for 'pastures new,' in a press release that this columnist can only describe as aggressively vague for an institution in the business of displaying creatures to the public.
According to the announcement, the arrival is confirmed, the departures are confirmed, and essentially nothing else is confirmed. No species named, no details on the destination of the departing animals, no explanation of what 'pastures new' entails for, say, a penguin.
This reporter has covered corporate reshuffles with more transparency than this. A zoo exists specifically to tell the public what animals it has; withholding that information borders on journalistic malpractice, albeit of the low-stakes variety that mostly just annoys columnists like Webster.
In search of ground-level insight, this reporter consulted Quick Clive, a hare native to the surrounding Norfolk countryside, who has his own theories about the zoo's staffing decisions. His read on the situation leans considerably more cynical than the press release.
Until the zoo names names, this desk is filing the story as confirmed-but-incomplete, a category Webster did not expect to need before this week. Spun and done.
“A new animal arrives, two go off to pastures new, and nobody says what any of them actually are — sounds like my cousin's divorce. Back in my day the zoo at least put a name on the gate before it put you out to pasture. Hares, for the record, can run thirty-five miles an hour, which is faster than I'd leave that press office.” — Quick Clive, a Norfolk hare
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